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Adultery

 
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Haysal



Joined: 12 Dec 2012
Posts: 60

PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2016 8:31 am    Post subject: Adultery Reply with quote

What are the farmans related to adultery?
In Ismailism ...how is adultery handled?

I am asking the above questions because my friend ( married) is having an affair with my other friend's husband. Both the couples are Ismailis. Since coming to know this I do not know what I should do ? Should I inform my friends spouses about what is happening behind their back? The spouses are friends too. We all go out together and nobody knows anything. I feel guilty at events where I see them behaving normally and can see how they are fooling everyone. But if I let everyone know 2 families will break up ....the kids will be affected too....but I cannot keep quiet and be a guilty party to this. Suppose I tell....then what will happen? Maybe I should not tell?
If I know any farman which will solve my dilemma then I know whatever I do is under the guidance of MHI.

Would appreciate advice.....
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Admin



Joined: 06 Jan 2003
Posts: 6063

PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2016 10:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would suggest that you do not interfere in what may be a misunderstanding of the situation unless it concerns your own family.

Many times outsiders have destroyed happy marriages in putting in to the mind of one or the other spouse doubt about their spouse.

Dithada dosh kisiki na dije to unditha dosh kyun dije?
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Haysal



Joined: 12 Dec 2012
Posts: 60

PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2016 1:07 pm    Post subject: Adultery Reply with quote

Actually my friend has admitted to me but has warned me against telling anyone. I have tried my best to persuade her to end this. In fact, she is the one who has told me to keep my mouth shut as I will destroy 2 families and also their childrens lives. She tells me I will get Gunah for ruining 2 families she says she is not harming anyone ! Probably if I had a specific farman then I would be able to explain to her. I did try with the chandraat majlis farman of SMS...koi upar bud nazar karjo nahi....but no effect. They are constantly together because of their family is friends including children and also because they are in the same committee so they get a chance to go everywhere for meetings etc. I have been trying for over a year now. It is so disgusting...I feel I am letting down all people involved.
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Admin



Joined: 06 Jan 2003
Posts: 6063

PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2016 1:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

She may have told you and it may still be not true. You never know. Maybe when you tell, they will both laugh at you.

On the other hand there is another question of ethics: Do you betray the trust of someone who trust you with a secret, even if that someone has betrayed the trust of someone else?

This is the same question as "is it Ok to steal from a thief?" (Robbin Hood theory) There is never a simple answer and things are never as simple as they seems to be.

Believe me, you are better off staying out of it.
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Haysal



Joined: 12 Dec 2012
Posts: 60

PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2016 4:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

admin thank you. yes, I agree with you I am better off keeping quiet rather than ruining families and betraying trust. But I still want to pursue and persuade them to end it. Since they are regular in jamatkhana and active in Jamat... If there was a farman I could maybe awaken their conscience. I have been trying to get them to end this but no results. If I could maybe tell them a farman or something from Quran then maybe it would help me in doing some good.
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Admin



Joined: 06 Jan 2003
Posts: 6063

PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2016 6:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You are right, you can convince them to stop and make sure to be trustful to their family and that they do not destroy their family life. A happy family can not be build on adultery.

There are Farmans on unity of family and also some saying a family is the best we have. Unfortunately I have no access to them at this point but I found this one:


"You know that after every war there has been a very large percentage of juvenile delinquency. Well, this is an offshoot of the destruction of the family lives and I can assure you that you will have immense trouble with your children if you do not create this family life." Mombasa Students 4 Oct 1959
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kmaherali



Joined: 27 Mar 2003
Posts: 20950

PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2016 11:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with Admin. If you are in good terms, then try to convince them to stop this behaviour. Below are some Farman excerpts which might help...

"Lastly, I would like for those of you who are here and who are of a marriageable age, to remember that marriage is an important institution and you should only enter into marriage with respect and with the belief, the conviction that you can fulfil your part of the contract fully. I do not want young spiritual children to get married in a haphazard or in a light hearted manner, and then after a few years, to say, "I have made a mistake, I must separate from my wife or my husband". This is a matter which might bring much unhappiness to our Jamat in the future, and I make this Farman today, because I would like you to keep it in mind and to act upon it.(Yeotmal, India, Sunday, November 19, 1967.)

"The second matter which I wish to speak to you about, today, is the question of bringing to yourselves a family. I would like My spiritual children to remember that to take to yourselves, a wife or a husband, is a matter of great importance. I do not want spiritual children to go into marriage light heartedly, without having considered seriously the responsibility that you take.

When you marry, you create a family; it is your duty and responsibility to maintain your family and to make sure that you do your utmost to have a happy, a sound and a united family. Do not forget that if in our Jamat we have a large number of broken up families, we will have a large number of unhappy spiritual children, or spiritual children who will be in all types of difficulties and I say to you today, think carefully about your responsibilities and take to yourselves a wife or a husband when you are able to and capable of keeping a united and a happy family."(Bombay, India, Thursday, November 9, 1967)

"Another matter on which I wish to make a Farman today is the question of marriage. I would like My spiritual children to remember that when a man takes to himself a woman, or when a woman takes to herself a man, you take to yourself the destiny, the worldly destiny of a human being. It is your responsibility, it is your duty to make sure that you only take upon yourselves this responsibility when you can fulfil it. You are not to take upon yourselves this responsibility unless you are confident of being able to fulfil it. I do not want to hear that in our Jamat young people are getting married in a haphazard happy go lucky manner, and after a few years that there are problems between husband and wife. I want this to be well understood. It is an important matter in our Jamat. If our spiritual children treat marriage light heartedly, then we will have great unhappiness and great suffering in our Jamat and this, I do not want.(Sidhpur, India, Tuesday, November 14, 1967.)
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Haysal



Joined: 12 Dec 2012
Posts: 60

PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 7:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nothing is working. Anyways , I have stopped interacting or going out with them. I leave it to fate to decide. After all my lectures, at some point I am sure their conscience will bite them - hopefully
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Admin



Joined: 06 Jan 2003
Posts: 6063

PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 10:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You took the right decision. Let them sort out themselves.
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Haysal



Joined: 12 Dec 2012
Posts: 60

PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2018 6:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just wanted to post "the end" to conclude this. My friends husband and kids found out and kicked her out to go to her paramour. The paramour's wife came to know she was upset but did not want to break her home and he too did not want to leave his family, though his kids are not forgiving and do not talk to him as yet. And as for my friend she is all alone without husband, kids and paramour. Right now trying to get some normalcy. She is no longer active in the jamat because of all the gossip and has no friends left including me.
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