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God will provide
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junglikhan4



Joined: 15 Jun 2015
Posts: 208

PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2015 4:14 pm    Post subject: God will provide Reply with quote

God will provide;

A girl invited her boy friend for dinner whom she wanted to marry to introduce him to her wealthy millionaire parents. The boy was some what religious.
After dinner when they settled in study room millionaire father of girl asked the boy;
Father: Can you arrange a house for my daughter?
Boy said, God will provide.
Father asked another question: Can you buy a Lexus or BMW car for my daughter?
Boy replied, God will provide.
Once again father asked: Can you invest on her behalf in stock exchange for her future?
Boy replied: Sure with Gods help if He provides.
When boy left mother of girl asked her husband, boy looks reasonable how you feel.
Millionaire father replied, I liked him because he kept calling me God will provide.
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junglikhan4



Joined: 15 Jun 2015
Posts: 208

PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 11:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A woman went to church and requested priest to arrange for funeral of her beloved dog passed away last night. Priest was astonished and in shock said,
my daughter, but we don't have service for dogs. Woman thought for few seconds and replied; Father I have left aside $25000 for my dog's funeral.
Father quickly said; oh, why don't you tell me in beginning that your dog was catholic.
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junglikhan4



Joined: 15 Jun 2015
Posts: 208

PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2015 4:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wandered when I heard women/girls calling their husbands or whom they engaged as 'JANU'. I kept thinking for months, why they call JANU. Finally I saw a drama on Geo tv named 'JANU JANWAR' and under captioned they showed picture of a DONKEY. Now I understood the smartness of ladies, on one side they call hubby JANU ( JAN E MON ) and on other side---------!!
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junglikhan4



Joined: 15 Jun 2015
Posts: 208

PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2015 4:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Long ago in one of JK in karachi, after BK bandagi, Mukhi had to say Hai Zinda.
But unfortunately Mukhi fell asleep, Kamdia paniced. He elbowed side of Mukhi
to wake him but Mukhi was in dream world. Finally Kamdia said Hai Zinda.
All of sudden Mukhi woke up and said ZINDABAD.
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junglikhan4



Joined: 15 Jun 2015
Posts: 208

PostPosted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 8:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

IN MY DREAM,
I found my self on the 7th floor of paradise. I saw few persons roaming here and there. At 12 noon bells rang. Angles appeared, tables were set and they put some edibles like donuts, biscuits, chips and few thermoses full of coffee and tea. The members did not look happy for lunch items. When I looked down on the ground floor, I saw angles setting tables and chairs in thousands. They put dishes of Biryani, chicken roast, fried fish, samosas, kachumar, bottled coke and pepsi. Bells rang and thousands of ground floor residents of paradise came and seated there. Angles and huurs were serving them. When I saw this I protested to superior angel of 7th floor and requested this is not fair. We on the 7th floor have higher position and your treatment is not fair. That angel gave me bad look and said in Urdu (because I am from Pak) " tou kia tum thorey logu(n) key liey beth kar degge(n) pakai(n) gey, kia subah ki bandandi key baid tum logu(n) ko chai, coffee, donuts aur biscuits nahi miltey, shukar karo aur khaou". Then all of sudden he looked at me and said, you look a new comer of modern generation. He ordered subordinate angel bring his file, I want to check his particulars. I was scared and said my self ' run jungli run, teri tou shamat aai '. I started running and 2 angles followed me. I saw a tunnel and jumped into it. That was a free fall and finally I hit the floor and cried ooui Ma. Actually I fell from my bed on the floor. When my mom heard my cry, she shouted from kicthen,
' huu(n) thayu dhekra ' why is that noise of falling some thing on floor? I replied don't worry mom it was my shirt dropped on the floor. That much noise! mom asked, no mom actually I was in the shirt.
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2016 2:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lately I visited a relative of mine. It was evening time both husband and wife were not back from their work so I decided to wait. Relative's mother in law asked me to wait in drawing room. She was baby sitting 6 month son of my relative. after few minutes I heard her saying 'pirshah pirshah, shoo shoo'. First I did not paid any attention, when second time I heard saying, 'pirshah pirshah, shoo shoo'. I asked her amma " kuru thio?" Naar na hi natho karey, she replied. I was astonished and asked her, 'amma chha natho karey'. Pi Pi, bhiyo kuru. She turned to child and repeated again pirshah pirshah, shoo shoo, chhora kaye(n) tou ke na, ghar jo sajho kum rulli wiyo. I said to her amma, what pirshah has to do with shoo shoo, may be child has no urge. She gave me bad looks and you know what I have to run to the bath room for shoo shoo.
Pirshah Pirshah, shoo shoo.
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2016 7:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Last time when I visited Mumbai, I stayed with the family of my friend in Bandra. After couple of days I got sick suffering from fever and cold. My friend took me to his family doctor. Old age doctor wrote a prescription and gave me some sample tablets and said," BETA YEH SHISHI SE 2 TABLETS RAAT KO KHANA OUUR SHANTI KE SAATH SO JANA." On hearing this my friend laughed but said nothing, though doctor asked him. When we came out of doctor's office I asked him why he laughed. Laughingly he repeated doctor's words," Beta yeh shishi se 2 tablet raat ko khana ouur SHANTI se so jana." I asked my friend, what is funny? He replied SHANTI BAI is name of his HOUSE MAID.
I thought one day I shall sleep for ever with SHANTI ( peace ).
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2016 7:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In a second grade class room lady teacher was describing lion. She said to kids, sher eek khatarnaak, haibatnaak, dhashatnaak jaanwar hai ( lion is a dangerous, dreadful, horrible, and a fearful animal). People are scared of this animal. When she finished, asked the question; Bacho tum mey koun bataiga ke sher kis se dharta hai. A kid stood up and said, Sher Mummy se dharta hai.
Teacher was astonished and asked, How come!
Kid replied my father's name is Sher Ali and he is scared of my mom. Teacher further inquired and what is the name of your mummy.
Kid replied Sherry.
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Fri Dec 02, 2016 7:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A lady teacher was explaining to kids about the modern ways of commutation and transportation vs old ones. When she finished asked a question. Is there any one who can explain what is the difference between a donkey cart and a car.
A kid stood up and replied innocently; Teacher in donkey cart, donkey is out side and in car inside.
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2016 8:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A nice friendly family was living next door, having beautiful daughter named Du'a. Once out of courtesy mother of Du'a asked me; Betta Kaisa Hai? ( son how are you). Absent mindlessly I told her " Amma Aap Ki Du'a chahiye ",
( Mama I need your Du'a 'prayer').
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Mon Dec 05, 2016 1:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

On 25th marriage anniversary husband gifted a 'talking parrot' to his beloved wife. He explained to her, if you pull the string tied to right leg the parrot will say 'How are you' and if you pull the left leg string, parrot will say 'Good bye '. Wife got exited and asked, if I pull both strings same time? Promptly parrot replied; stupid woman I shall fall with my face down.
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2016 9:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Seriousness is a sickness; your sense of humor makes you more human, more humble.
The sense of humor, according to me is one of the most essential parts of religiousness.
Osho
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2016 7:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

After Sunday service and delivering sermon in a church, pastor told his assistant, What a bad day, today I have to deal with a kind of donkeys and asses.
Assistant replied; Father, but you kept calling them 'my brothers and sisters' during sermon.
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2016 9:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

While delivering waiz, missionary saheb saw the person in the 2nd row whom he has been asking for long time to be regular in JK. When jamaiti service was over, he approached to the person and said," Nice to see you son in JK, I am sure your dindaar wife who is regular in JK should have forced you to attend JK
The person replied to missionary saheb, no sir, I had to decide whether to listen an hour of sermon from my wife as she was angry at me or to listen your 15 minutes waiz. I decided for you.
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nuseri



Joined: 12 Jul 2012
Posts: 1375

PostPosted: Sat Dec 10, 2016 2:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

YAM.
It's look like stink has gone from top to bottom of forum section in this website.
May God forgive and reduce curse inflicited on Admin.
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Sun Dec 11, 2016 2:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A missionary saheb was sent to a remote area of subcontinent to teach, preach and conversion. He explained to illiterate villagers God is great and is bigger than every thing. The uneducated villagers took it literally. Few days after missionary left a villager spotted a camel wandering near his village, in fact the person had not seen camel in his life bigger than him. He had in mind what missionary explained that God is great and bigger. He at once shouted, I found God, I saw God. The villagers gathered and in excitement tried to capture the camel god. When camel saw scores of villagers advancing at him, he took off. Villagers running behind the camel shouting, stop god we want to worship you. The camel was scared kept running and 'bechara' fell into a pit in front of him, injured and passed away. Villagers were saddened. An elder standing near the pit said;
Abba tou jey tangu(n) terriyu(n) te banda kiya(n) kanda. ( sir if you lay like this, where your slaves have to turn for help and worship )
Janaab aap charu(n) shaney chitt parey rahe(n)ge, tou bandey kaha(n) jai(n).
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Sun Dec 11, 2016 2:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

nuseri wrote:
YAM.
It's look like stink has gone from top to bottom of forum section in this website.
May God forgive and reduce curse inflicited on Admin.


The stinky person like you always think stinky. Clean your stinky brain and come up with new ideas and innovation.
Pray to Krishanji for your forgiveness and peace of mind.
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2016 9:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In a mental hospital a CHARIYA (mental) gathered some other CHARIYAS on ground floor and started delivering sermon. In the end he claimed, I am the prophet sent by God. On the 3rd floor other CHARIYA was listening the sermon,
he promptly shouted, do not trust him. I have not send him as a prophet.
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Fri Dec 23, 2016 9:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Few years back, in one of JK in Garden area, near photo of Hazar Imam in lobby, I heard Giryah of an aged Ismaili momin. I stopped behind him to listen his impressive Giryah. Tears in his eyes, he was saying in Kachhi;
AAU(N) BHI KARIM, TU(N) BHI KARIM.
TU(N) SHAH KARIM, AAU(N) TOJHO BUNDO KARIM (HIS NAME WAS KARIM). KUREY LAI SATAYE(N) TOU. HUM TUM DONO SAHIYA(N) EEK HAI(N).
His Giryah was impressive that reminded me ;
TUJH SE BICHHAR KAR ZINDA HAI(N)
JAAN BAHUT SHARMINDAH HAI(N).
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Fri Dec 23, 2016 9:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A person from Hyderabad Sindh narrated the following event. According to him when Ismailis attending " Amir Pir Mela" usually stopped at Hyderabad for shopping and then leave for Karachi. It was a usual practice for many years. In early 70's when buses when buses parked in front of JK on Prince Ali Khan road, a person returning from Mela completely drunk sat near the entering gate of JK and started teasing passers by. Volunteers on duty asked him to shut up and leave. He did not listened so a volunteer slapped him and with help of other volunteers took the man on the other side of road and asked him to stay there. At that time the drunk man started weeping and beseeching volunteers to allow him sit near gate of Jk saying; MUU(N) KHEY KUREY LAI MOWLA JE DAT TAA(N) UTHARIYO THA, AAU(N) GHUNEGHAR SAHI PAR BANDO MOWLA JO AAHIYA(N). ( WHY ARE YOU DRAGGING ME AWAY FROM THE DOOR OF MOWLA, THOUGH A SINNER BUT I AM SLAVE OF MOWLA ). When he promised not to disturb any one, volunteers allowed him to stay near door of JK. This remind me a couplet in Urdu;
MAANA KE MAI(N) HOSH MEY NAHI(N)
PAR TUJH SEY BEKHABAR BHI NAHI(N)
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2016 4:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Boarding on Flight 2017 has been announced......
Hope you have checked in only the best souvenirs from 2016 in your luggage....
The BAD and SAD moments if carried, must be thrown away in the garbage bins on arrival .......
The flight will be 12 months long.
So, loosen your seat belts, jingle and mingle.

The stop-overs will be :
Perfect Health,
Love, Power
Joy, Purity
Harmony with All
Well-being,Wisdom
Inner Peace.

Refueling will be ..........
Giving
Sharing
Caring.

The following menu is offered and will be served during the flight.......

Cocktail of Friendship,
Supreme of Health,
Grating of Prosperity,
Bowl of Excellent News
Salad of Success,
Cake of Happiness,

All accompanied by bursts of laughter...
But remember, you will enjoy these meals and the journey better if you talk, share, smile and laugh together. Sitting silent will make the flight seem longer.
Wishing you an enjoyable trip on board flight 2017.
Happy new year to all by Shiva.


Last edited by shivaathervedi on Sun Mar 05, 2017 3:12 pm, edited 1 time in total
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2016 2:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two different views;

KAHA IKK SHAKHS NEY MAJNU SEY, ALLAH TUJHEY BULLATA HAI
MAJNU NEY KAHA, AAKHIR WOH MUJH SEY CHAHITA KIA HAI
BHALLA YEH QAIS DEEWANA KIS KEY PAAS KIYU(N) JAAI
KHUDA KO GAR ZARURAT HAI TOU LAILA BUNN KE AAJAAI

KIS NEY MAJNU NU(N) AAKHIYA TERI LAILA DEKHAN WHICH HAI KALI
MAJNU JAWAB DITTA TEREY KOL ANKHIYA(N) NAHI(N) DEKHAN WALI
GHULLAM FARID AAKHEY JINU(N) DE NAAL ANKHIYA(N) LARR JAWEY
KI FARAQ PAINDA PECHHY OH GORI HO YA KALI, ALLAH WALI
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2016 3:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sharing this poem some one e mailed me;

I GOT UP EARLY ONE MORNING
AND RUSHED RIGHT INTO THE DAY
I HAD SO MUCH TO ACCOMPLISH
THAT I DID NOT HAVE TIME TO PRAY

PROBLEMS JUST TUMBLED ABOUT ME
AND HEAVIER CAME EACH TASK
WHY DOES NOT GOD HELP ME? I WONDERED
HE ANSWERED, YOU DID NOT ASK

I WANTED TO SEE JOY AND BEAUTY
BUT THE DAY TOILED ON GRAY AND BLEAK
I WANDERED WHY GOD DID NOT SHOW ME
HE SAID, BUT YOU DID NOT SEEK

I TRIED TO COME INTO GOD'S PRESENCE
I USED ALL MY KEYS AT THE LOCK
GOD GENTLY AND LOVINGLY CHIDED
MY SERVANT, YOU DID NOT KNOCK

I WOKE UP EARLY THIS MORNING
AND PAUSED BEFORE ENTERING THE DAY
I HAD SO MUCH TO ACCOMPLISH
THAT I HAD TO TAKE TIME TO PRAY
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2017 3:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A LITTLE PRAYER

DEAR LORD THANK YOU FOR TODAY
WALK BESIDE ME ALL THE DAY
KEEP ME SAFE FROM ALL THAT WOULD
CAUSE ME HEARTACHE IF IT COULD
GUARD MY EYES, AND EARS, AND LIPS
GIVE ME STRENGTH TO COME TO GRIPS
WITH EACH PROBLEM I MUST FACE
AND SOME COURAGE JUST IN CASE
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2017 3:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Prophet Moses during worship always beseech God " JHALAK DIKHLAJA" (SHOW ME YOUR FACE) but God gently told him you can't. But Moses kept beseeching Lord "JHALAK DIKHLAJA". Finally one day God said, " MUSAJI DEKHA JO MERA JALWA TOU DIL THAAM LOGEY." Moses said 'No Problem Lord'. At once there was flash, bright lightning and Musaji unable to took it and fainted. One must be spiritually prepared to absorb light. " Light is not yours to be taken, it is yours to be given."
some poet has said;

TUM NEY NAHAQQ MUSA KO TAKLEEF DI
HAME(N) YAAD KARTEY TOU AUR BAAT THI
JINN KI AA(N)KHO MEY TAAB E NAZARA NA HO
UNN KO JALWA DHIKHANEY SEY KIYA FAIDA
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Wed Jan 04, 2017 9:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Some time back in Karachi on Burns Road, I stopped at bun kabob shop for lunch. There were few college students to purchase bun kabobs. They were discussing" What is the difference in between a Muslim and a Momin." They were arguing with each other, all of sudden a boy turned to the salesman of shop (who was around 70 years old with grey (white) hair and beard) and asked, Baba, can you tell us what is the difference in between a Muslima and a Momin? Promptly the old man replied; BETA JO ALLAH "KO" MANEY WOH MUSLIM HAI OUUR JO ALLAH "KI" MANEY WOH MOMIN HAI." ( son, who believes there is God is a Muslim and who obeys God (completely) is a momin).
What a simple and appropriate reply.
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2017 9:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was flying from Dubai to London. On plane next to me was sitting a Pakistani and beside him was seated a Brit. All the way they kept talking and discussing various topics. On subject of swimming Brit asked Pakistani do you know swimming?
Pakistani; No, I don't know how to swim.
Brit; I think dogs are better than you, they know how to swim.
Pakistani; Do you know swimming?
Brit proudly replied yes.
Pakistani; Then what is the difference between you and a dog!!
And I burst into laughter.
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 3:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Prophet Moses was sitting in Ibadat. A lizard on ceiling above him urinated and a drop fell on his clothing. At once Moses opened his one eye, then other and looked upward. He saw lizard smiling and waging her tail. Moses got angry and uttered some 'good' words for lizzi. Moses complained God," Sir, why you created lizards? if you did, why not created diapers for them. Look she urinated on me and made me 'Na Paak' ( uncleaned )."
Immediately Moses got answer;
Musaji, lizard is also complaining about you because you were angry at her. She is requesting, why I created you? Musaji same rule, I did not created human beings with diapers on. You look within yourself, physically human beings are 'Na Paak', when you consume food or water or form of any liquid, part of it is converted into urine and residue which comes out of you. Human beings thinking and actions should be 'Paak' and should not hurt any one.
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 3:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Father was explaining beginning of world to son.
Father: Adam was created in the beginning of the world.
Son: Was he born in the morning?
Father: No, a little before Eve. A rib was taken from his side while he slept, and that was Eve.
Son: Didn't he need the rib?
Father: It was a spare rib.
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shivaathervedi



Joined: 01 Feb 2016
Posts: 1109

PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 4:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A lady teacher asked 7th graders; if you see a man beating a donkey and try to stop him from doing so, what virtue that act of kindness be called?
A boy answered; Brotherly love.
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