Marriages

pun_girl · Joined: 04 Apr 2007 Posts: 1

I am a punjabi/sikh girl who will be engaged to an ismaili afghan. I too came across the same questions as you.... I didn't really receive too many answers though, as no one really heard of too many inter-religious marriages such as sikh with a muslim or hindu with a muslim. I have no problems converting as I tried to find out the full history on islam before I took the step to just convert for marriage. I didn't want to just convert only because of marriage.... but now that I have read several books and spoken with as many ppl as I could regarding islam and the religion, I truly want to convert within my heart. My bf's parents are aware that I am converting and are happy with that, my parents on the other hand are slowly accepting the fact that I will no matter what. Therefore I don't know if it is right or wrong (neither does his family), but as long as I am muslim than Yes I can marry an Ismaili (that is the understanding that his parents have given me). I am in search of ppl who have converted into islam and could give me any advice and maybe tell me a little about your experience. Thanks and God bless.

Admin · Joined: 06 Jan 2003 Posts: 1753

You can marry an Ismaili regardless of what religion you are from. You can keep your faith and marry and Ismaili, but of course if you believe in your heart that you want to become Ismaili you can convert.

In Islam marriage is not a religious act as fr example in Christianity, it is a social contract. Therefore an Ismaili can marry outside his religion, even to non-Muslim.

Hope this clears the misunderstanding.

Admin

sampatel5 · Joined: 06 Jul 2007 Posts: 2

This is a very curly question to ask especially for people living in Western socities.What does a parent do?Does the parent let his child out of his life forever if he/she says no or say yes and have their child with them.In my opinion it is a very easy question to answer,how strong is your Iman.If your child insists then please let him/her marry outside but then it is up to you how you present your religion to the outsider which will compell them to change their mind.Dont forget as your child faces opposition from your Jamaat the other child also faces the same severe opposition from their family and friends.We tend to look at this issue from just our point of view but think of the other side of the coin as well.As you have hopes for your child so do the other parents.<BR>Then again it is as Mowla has deceided for them.Who are we mere grains of sand on the beach of this world arguing about what has already been decieded by Mowla.So be firm in your Iman and present your way as best as you can within your limited capabilities and leave the rest to Mowla.May he grant them wisdom and see the light.<BR>Hazar Imam always insists that we should be ambassadors of Islam to the world.If you follow this farameen then you will find answers.YAM

shamsu · Joined: 15 Apr 2003 Posts: 646

smiles22 · Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 1

I am currently in a serious relationship with a Hindu man. He is not all that religious and we have spoken about marriage on many occassions. I am a dedicated ismaili and as a woman want my children and husband to go with me to khane. He has said he is willing to learn about Ismailism and convert- however, he feels that he still wants to keep his Hindu religious b/c that is waht makes him him. And i completely understand. As a result he said if we should marry each other he would want me to learn about his religion as well and on rare occasions attend temple with him. I do notmind b/c i know what i am and I will never forsake my ismaili religion. Is this possible- can a non-ismaili convert and yet still attend their respective religions just for the sake of the concept that that is what they were born into? *confused*

star_munir · Joined: 21 Apr 2003 Posts: 1602

I have visited temples, church, Gurdwara but that not made me non ismaili. Main thing is your belief.

ShamsB · Joined: 04 Aug 2004 Posts: 870

star_munir · Joined: 21 Apr 2003 Posts: 1602

Ya Ali Madad Shams,
Can you tell about the incident you quoted : I have been following the Shemina Hirji Incident in Vancouver and am very saddened to hear that it could be a honor killing by her new husband's family who it is also rumored had their own daughter's throat slit in India for marrying out of the caste
And also explain more about this :
As MHI said in the 70's (and i paraphrase) what was once unacceptable is now tolerated and may soon become acceptable..i guess we're heading down that path.

star_munir · Joined: 21 Apr 2003 Posts: 1602

From Memoirs of Aga Khan

"As a good muslim I have never asked a christian to change her religion in order to marry Me, for the Islamic belief is that christians and jews and according to some tenets, zoroastrians and reformed hindu unitarians may marry muslims and retain their own religion. With no attempt on My part at influencing her mind, My present wife had already been converted to Islam while she lived in Cairo."

khus · Joined: 14 Jul 2007 Posts: 3

I have been spiritual and religious all my life but I could never relate to the other kids in JK. I had a friend for four years and he was a non-ismaili.

He had an interest in the Imam and wrote book reports on him for school assignments. He was my best friend. We started dating and fell in love. I knew him very well. Before getting married I knew he wasn't ready to convert just yet but I knew he would when he was ready. It was something he said he always wanted to do.

We did discuss religion and children prior to marrying. He was perfectly content with our children being Ismaili.

A year into the marriage he was ready to go through the process and I am glad he has made this decision on his own. My parents are worried about the social ramifications of this since a select few know we have married. My parents like my husband. He didn't practice a faith prior to this but his grandparents are sadden because he didn't take up Christianity. but both of our parents are happy for us.

I don't feel I am wrong for marrying a non-ismaili. It has strengthen my faith and renewed his. If this is his destiny to serve Allah, then who am I to reject the will of Allah.

ShamsB · Joined: 04 Aug 2004 Posts: 870

ShamsB · Joined: 04 Aug 2004 Posts: 870

kmaherali · Joined: 27 Mar 2003 Posts: 9913

July 16, 2007
Op-Ed Contributor
Preparing for a Broken Home
By JAMES ANDREW MILLER

A FRIEND from business school, just engaged, boasted recently not about the virtues of his wife-to-be but about the Byzantine process he and she had gone through in constructing what he considered the finest of prenuptial agreements, as if there were some sort of poetry in the laborious detail involved in dividing assets and wealth. Months earlier, another friend, who had separated from her husband, told me she�d decided to go back with him, but only after the two of them had constructed a �post-nup� that left no doubt as to how their finances would be divided should they break up again.

I suppose both kinds of agreements are understandable in an era when so many marriages fail, but it seems sadly clear to me that both couples, for all their meticulous planning, had overlooked and ignored the most important point of all. Dividing up money and assets after a marriage falls apart can be a mess, but it�s often nothing compared with the agony and emotional torment of a custody battle � dividing up the children. Money is, after all, only money � you can make it back, you can do with less of it if you need to, you can even file for bankruptcy. But children are not commodities that can be replaced.

Thus, a proposal, based on observation and my own recent experience of divorce: Engaged couples should enter into a new kind of arrangement, one that has nothing to do with houses or cars or the Warhol on the wall but focuses on any children born of the marriage. If two people can contemplate, before they ever marry, the possibility of what Walter Winchell called �splitsville� and agree in advance how they would divide assets, they ought to also be able to make sane arrangements for dividing time with their children.

For divorced parents, the financial equation is set as soon as the court or the arbitrator signs the order. Bank accounts, investments and pensions are divided, and child support and alimony are assigned. While it is true that support can be altered based on changing circumstances, most financial cases are settled, and lives go on. Judges generally adhere to common formulas for how the property should be divided, so it�s possible to anticipate how your financial life will look after the marriage.

In the world of child custody, however, there are few certainties.

Two friends of mine who went through divorce recently were told that their soon-to-be-former spouses were �willing� to give them visiting rights every other weekend, plus one overnight stay per week. (The idea of �visiting� one�s own children, when it first comes up, can be terribly jarring.) Both were outraged and each has started what promises to be a long, expensive and emotionally draining court battle for more of the children�s time.

Such battles are often waged before judges who have unpredictable points of view about child custody. There are so many different types of custody schedules and ways of calculating what�s fair to parents and children alike, that fathers, especially, stand a good chance of getting stuck with a plan they don�t like � one that leaves them feeling like a second-class parent. Given crowded court schedules and a shortage of judges to hear cases, many custody battles can take up to a year or more to reach a conclusion.

Once a case is finally heard, neither parent can be certain of legal precedent or anything else that might steer the proceedings toward a mutually agreeable outcome. A custody evaluator or a judge can never understand a family�s situation or individual children as well as the parents themselves do. Some couples have found that by the time the court has heard their custody case, many of the precious dollars divided between them in their prenup have found their way to the lawyers.

Absent a pre-arranged custody plan, the children in a divorce almost always start one custody schedule and then, once a court order is signed, must adapt to a new one. Worse, they may find themselves being used by one side or the other (or both) as bargaining chips or even strategic weapons.

For a parent, being without one�s children at such a time, and having to watch from the sidelines as they are overtaken by anxiety and uncertainty, can make the custody battle by far the most traumatic aspect of the divorce experience.

With a custody schedule outlined before marriage, children could have a single structure for their new lives from the moment their parents separate. They would know where they will be and when, they wouldn�t have to witness their parents arguing about the details, and they might not be subjected to custody evaluations or, worse, be required to testify in court.

In some states, pre-arranged custody schedules might not hold up in court, and one parent or the other might argue that circumstances have changed too much since they entered the agreement. Even then, though, an agreement could serve as a great starting point for negotiations.

Most of the pain involved in my own divorce would have been reduced by some kind of agreement before marriage detailing a custody schedule for children. I was fortunate enough to secure joint custody of my three children. But I would say to any two people contemplating a future together that however icy it may seem on the surface to include children�s lives in legalistic affairs, a little coldness at the outset could help prevent glacially slow wars � wars directly involving the children � later on.

Besides, conversations about custody between two newly engaged people could give them both a window on what their future spouse will be like � and what he or she will expect as a parent. For a couple contemplating children, it is never too early to start discussing parenting roles.

Packing up the children�s backpacks and preparing them to be picked up by a former spouse can be agonizing even in the best of circumstances. Even a prenup that outlines a custody schedule could never change that. But it could at least shield children from unnecessary pain and relieve some of the hurt for the parents.

James Andrew Miller is the author of �Running in Place: Inside the Senate� and co-author of �Live From New York: An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live.�

star_munir · Joined: 21 Apr 2003 Posts: 1602

Mowla Ali Madad Shams and thanks for the details about the incident.

I dont believe that Jews and Christians are Ahle-kitab. As per what I think, generally muslims have idea that Islam is the only true religion, the religion of Christians and Jews were also religion of Allah and He revealed books on them but got corrupted and other religions are just man made. But I do not agree with it.

In verse 70 of Moman Chetamni Syed Imam Shah says, "All the religions that have been created, they all have Ali as their solvent. Hindu or Muslim may stay true to their principles, but in fact, there is only one God and that is Ali."

ShamsB · Joined: 04 Aug 2004 Posts: 870

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