Ya Ali Madad to all my Brothers and Sisters from all over.
2 Years ago my wife and I got married, and we decided that we weren't going to have any children (I don't like kids)
We did have safe sex and something did not go right, she is now pregnant and i feel betrayed, trapped and very confused. I had thought that i had told my wife very clear that i did not want any kids whatsoever. I know they're a gift from GOD but, i don't want that gift. I keep asking this to myself, why did GOD give me something i didn't want? Why did my wife not listen to me and get the child aborted? I'm having very bad thoughts about all this and my wife thinks i'm doing a bad najar on her pregnancy. I admit, i am having evil thoughts about all this and i feel my faith in my Mowla is getting weaker because of this.
I'm sad to say that i am a Mukhi of a Majalis and it's really very sad to think like this as a Mukhi. I did not want to become a Mukhi because i feel that i'm not worthy of sitting behind the paat and forgive people's sins when i myself is very sinful and have very evil thinking mind. But i had no choice in saying no. People were telling me that is a "Golden Jubilee year" and how often do you get a chance like that. I was pressured by my family, my wife's family and my wife as well.
I just thought i would post here and get some help from my Ismaili Brothers and Sisters. I'm not a bad person but, i feel that i am overpowered by eveil thinking. I say Salwat and ask Mowla for help, but if feels like i'm not getting any.
Sorry for my rant.
My faith is becoming weaker pls help
Allah controls everything.
Here is some Quranic Ayat. You may find this helpful.
Anything that happens on earth, or to you, has already been recorded, even before the creation. This is easy for GOD to do. Thus, you should not grieve over anything you miss, nor be proud of anything He has bestowed upon you. GOD does not love those who are boastful, proud. - Quran [57:22-23]
The human being often prays for something that may hurt him, thinking that he is praying for something good. The human being is impatient [Quran 17:11]
We will surely test you through some fear, hunger, and loss of money, lives, and crops. Give good news to the steadfast.* When an affliction befalls them, they say, "We belong to GOD, and to Him we are returning." These have deserved blessings from their Lord and mercy. These are the guided ones.- [Quran, Surah 2:155-157]
Following Lines are considered to by Hadith by many scholars. Here it is
Allah Says
"Aay Ibn Adam aik tayree Chahat hay aur aik mayree chahat hay. Per wohee hogaa jo Mayree Chahat hay. Agar tu khush karday gaa mujhay jis may Mayree Chahat hay tau May Baksh doon gaa tujhay tayree Chahat. Agar tu Na karay jo Mayree Chahat hay tau May Thakaa doon gaa usmay tujhko jis may tayree chahat hay. Phir wohe hoga jo Mayree Chahat hay."
Here is some Quranic Ayat. You may find this helpful.
Anything that happens on earth, or to you, has already been recorded, even before the creation. This is easy for GOD to do. Thus, you should not grieve over anything you miss, nor be proud of anything He has bestowed upon you. GOD does not love those who are boastful, proud. - Quran [57:22-23]
The human being often prays for something that may hurt him, thinking that he is praying for something good. The human being is impatient [Quran 17:11]
We will surely test you through some fear, hunger, and loss of money, lives, and crops. Give good news to the steadfast.* When an affliction befalls them, they say, "We belong to GOD, and to Him we are returning." These have deserved blessings from their Lord and mercy. These are the guided ones.- [Quran, Surah 2:155-157]
Following Lines are considered to by Hadith by many scholars. Here it is
Allah Says
"Aay Ibn Adam aik tayree Chahat hay aur aik mayree chahat hay. Per wohee hogaa jo Mayree Chahat hay. Agar tu khush karday gaa mujhay jis may Mayree Chahat hay tau May Baksh doon gaa tujhay tayree Chahat. Agar tu Na karay jo Mayree Chahat hay tau May Thakaa doon gaa usmay tujhko jis may tayree chahat hay. Phir wohe hoga jo Mayree Chahat hay."
Allah Says
"Aay Ibn Adam aik tayree Chahat hay aur aik mayree chahat hay. Per wohee hogaa jo Mayree Chahat hay. Agar tu khush karday gaa mujhay jis may Mayree Chahat hay tau May Baksh doon gaa tujhay tayree Chahat. Agar tu Na karay jo Mayree Chahat hay tau May Thakaa doon gaa usmay tujhko jis may tayree chahat hay. Phir wohe hoga jo Mayree Chahat hay."
Do you have that in english translation?
Thanks.
"Aay Ibn Adam aik tayree Chahat hay aur aik mayree chahat hay. Per wohee hogaa jo Mayree Chahat hay. Agar tu khush karday gaa mujhay jis may Mayree Chahat hay tau May Baksh doon gaa tujhay tayree Chahat. Agar tu Na karay jo Mayree Chahat hay tau May Thakaa doon gaa usmay tujhko jis may tayree chahat hay. Phir wohe hoga jo Mayree Chahat hay."
Do you have that in english translation?
Thanks.
Dear brother Asad Allah,
I suggest you see a psychiatrist to get to the bottom of your problem, i.e. fear of having kids.
Please do not think i am trying to put you down. I thought about your e mail over and over again, and I felt that this will be the best solution for you.
People go to psychiatrists for fear of mice, dogs, etc. and they are cured. May be, for the sake of your wife and family, and for your own self you should consider this option. This way you will not feel so guilty and ashamed of yourself.
Good luck brother. My prayers are with you, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, for children are beautiful gift of God to us. They are Allah's Amana. We have to love them and cherish them. May Mowla be with you in your difficult times. Virgo2
I suggest you see a psychiatrist to get to the bottom of your problem, i.e. fear of having kids.
Please do not think i am trying to put you down. I thought about your e mail over and over again, and I felt that this will be the best solution for you.
People go to psychiatrists for fear of mice, dogs, etc. and they are cured. May be, for the sake of your wife and family, and for your own self you should consider this option. This way you will not feel so guilty and ashamed of yourself.
Good luck brother. My prayers are with you, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, for children are beautiful gift of God to us. They are Allah's Amana. We have to love them and cherish them. May Mowla be with you in your difficult times. Virgo2
Re: My faith is becoming weaker pls help
[quote="AsadALLAH"]Ya Ali Madad to all my Brothers and Sisters from all over.
2 Years ago my wife and I got married, and we decided that we weren't going to have any children (I don't like kids)
Dear Asadullah!
You don't worry at all about Kid or Kids, Because I have 5 Kids(5-19) and I'm just 40 Yrs+ now and I can help and share my experiences about good and not bad time but though times that i passed in my life, but always my Mawla every second of my good and though times help me out, if you don't mind give your Number to my personal Email if you want by sharing my life history may help you ,((( yam42001@yahoo.com)))
God bless you and YAM.
2 Years ago my wife and I got married, and we decided that we weren't going to have any children (I don't like kids)
Dear Asadullah!You don't worry at all about Kid or Kids, Because I have 5 Kids(5-19) and I'm just 40 Yrs+ now and I can help and share my experiences about good and not bad time but though times that i passed in my life, but always my Mawla every second of my good and though times help me out, if you don't mind give your Number to my personal Email if you want by sharing my life history may help you ,((( yam42001@yahoo.com)))
God bless you and YAM.
Re: My faith is becoming weaker pls help
"2 Years ago my wife and I got married, and we decided that we weren't going to have any children (I don't like kids)
We did have safe sex and something did not go right, she is now pregnant and i feel betrayed, trapped and very confused. I had thought that i had told my wife very clear that i did not want any kids whatsoever. I know they're a gift from GOD but, i don't want that gift"
Mowla Aly Madad. (This is going to be a bit sour brother)
Dude How many times in your life have you got what you wanted?
I believe Mowla gives us what we need.
What happens if what we want conflicts with what we need?
And by the way the cashier at the bank is not giving people money. He/she is just an instrument that serves a purpose.
Think of what you say when you "forgive sins'
I am quite sure "you" are not forgiving sins.
Look up narcissism. one of the definitions states
A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
Shams
We did have safe sex and something did not go right, she is now pregnant and i feel betrayed, trapped and very confused. I had thought that i had told my wife very clear that i did not want any kids whatsoever. I know they're a gift from GOD but, i don't want that gift"
Mowla Aly Madad. (This is going to be a bit sour brother)
Dude How many times in your life have you got what you wanted?
I believe Mowla gives us what we need.
What happens if what we want conflicts with what we need?
And by the way the cashier at the bank is not giving people money. He/she is just an instrument that serves a purpose.
Think of what you say when you "forgive sins'
I am quite sure "you" are not forgiving sins.
Look up narcissism. one of the definitions states
A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
Shams
I'm by far not excessive or admiration of myself. (As i said in my earlier post that i am not worthy of sitting behind the paat)
Mukhi/Kamadia forgive sins ON BEHALF OF MOWLA, or else people would not come to Mukhi/Kamadia to do dua if that was the case. People would stay home and pray to ALLAH for thier sins.
How many times have i got something that i wanted? Shukar to Mowla that whatever i have asked for, i have gotten it.
But how is it fair to a little Child when Mommy and Daddy are not getting along?
Mukhi/Kamadia forgive sins ON BEHALF OF MOWLA, or else people would not come to Mukhi/Kamadia to do dua if that was the case. People would stay home and pray to ALLAH for thier sins.
How many times have i got something that i wanted? Shukar to Mowla that whatever i have asked for, i have gotten it.
But how is it fair to a little Child when Mommy and Daddy are not getting along?
din/duniya
Dear AsadAllah
I was very impressed with your post as I think that it has a humble quality to it that most people seem to lose when they grow older. From the advancement of this thread, I am assuming that the child is born already.
I would not allow this incident to lessen your faith. I believe that God does not take obstacles out of our way when we pray, but rather gives us the strength to overcome them.
By praying, you will be able to attain a spiritual peace and will get less headaches about if or why you and your partner are not getting along... purely because you will not see it as a big deal anymore, because of the love of your God.
I'm sure you do appreciate the good things in your life, but you will be able to appreciate them even more if you have a balance between din and duniya. Once your headaches are gone about your problems, the appreciating of other things in your life will seem less as a challenge, and will be much easier to think of.
I can identify with thinking that you are not good enough to witness a Golden Jubilee, and all I can say is that Mawla has said that we are human, and we will therefore not be perfect. Mawla does appoint non-perfect people to all of his positions, and does not expect them to be perfect - however, he does expect them to <b> try </b> to be good by praying more, doing good deeds, etc.
It is not the stage at which you are at that's important, it's whether you are improving or getting worse.
By praying more, you will be able to remove the negative thoughts in your head as well
In the middle of Golden Jubilee, I realized that Mowla had forgiven me for any sins that I had done up to that point -- but I had not been forgiving myself. Perhaps that's a lesson that you need to learn as well in order to decrease any leftover guilt.
Salaam,
S.
I was very impressed with your post as I think that it has a humble quality to it that most people seem to lose when they grow older. From the advancement of this thread, I am assuming that the child is born already.
I would not allow this incident to lessen your faith. I believe that God does not take obstacles out of our way when we pray, but rather gives us the strength to overcome them.
By praying, you will be able to attain a spiritual peace and will get less headaches about if or why you and your partner are not getting along... purely because you will not see it as a big deal anymore, because of the love of your God.
I'm sure you do appreciate the good things in your life, but you will be able to appreciate them even more if you have a balance between din and duniya. Once your headaches are gone about your problems, the appreciating of other things in your life will seem less as a challenge, and will be much easier to think of.
I can identify with thinking that you are not good enough to witness a Golden Jubilee, and all I can say is that Mawla has said that we are human, and we will therefore not be perfect. Mawla does appoint non-perfect people to all of his positions, and does not expect them to be perfect - however, he does expect them to <b> try </b> to be good by praying more, doing good deeds, etc.
It is not the stage at which you are at that's important, it's whether you are improving or getting worse.
By praying more, you will be able to remove the negative thoughts in your head as well
In the middle of Golden Jubilee, I realized that Mowla had forgiven me for any sins that I had done up to that point -- but I had not been forgiving myself. Perhaps that's a lesson that you need to learn as well in order to decrease any leftover guilt.
Salaam,
S.
^^ Well said
My wife and I are not together. We have been separated and in few weeks, Inshallah she will deliver a beautiful child. I will be part of that child's life as much as i can. Do i feel bad for the child? Obviously i do. The child does not deserve this. Why is this happening? Why is ALLAH doing that? No one knows but him...He knows best for all of us and shukar for whatever he does. My faith was weak yes, but after i received his deedar, it made me open my eyes. It felt that he was with me and he knew what i was going though. The eye contact with each other, not once but twice gave me a message saying that he was with me all the time. Shukar and i pray to him to forgive mine and everyone Else's weakness, like you said, no one is perfect. I do remember this quote from MSMS...
"Struggle is the meaning of life. Defeat or victory is in the hands of God.
But struggle itself is Man's duty and should be his joy."
My wife and I are not together. We have been separated and in few weeks, Inshallah she will deliver a beautiful child. I will be part of that child's life as much as i can. Do i feel bad for the child? Obviously i do. The child does not deserve this. Why is this happening? Why is ALLAH doing that? No one knows but him...He knows best for all of us and shukar for whatever he does. My faith was weak yes, but after i received his deedar, it made me open my eyes. It felt that he was with me and he knew what i was going though. The eye contact with each other, not once but twice gave me a message saying that he was with me all the time. Shukar and i pray to him to forgive mine and everyone Else's weakness, like you said, no one is perfect. I do remember this quote from MSMS...
"Struggle is the meaning of life. Defeat or victory is in the hands of God.
But struggle itself is Man's duty and should be his joy."